A weird little study showed that if you do small talk you stand in your own way, foregoing happiness.
Small talk is the opposite of meaningful talk. Meaningful talk is when you talk about what is real and difficult, instead of glossing it all over. If you were brought up under the maxim that “it is not their business” and keep a stiff upper lip always, chances are that you are unhappy. Because we need to talk about what is dear to our hearts.
Interestingly, the moment you talk about your problems, you will find out that other people have their share of tribulations, too. Most people are not as happy as they pretend – Thoreau talked about the “quiet desperation” in peoples’ lives.
I grew up in a rather dysfunctional family. My mother used to cover up for my father’s shortcomings. Seeing my mother pick up my drunken father one day from the steps in front of our apartment building taught me how utterly fruitless her constant fibbing was: There he was lying dead-drunk for everybody to see. From then on, I always talked about what was real and bothering me – probably getting on many nerves.
Whenever I had a problem – no room to live, no job, boyfriend trouble, another divorce, whatever – I would grab the nearest bystander and talk it through. By and by, I got some good advice (some inane also, of course) and learned to sort out my life. I loved the people who answered in truth, even when the answer was not flattering to me. My friend Christina in Germany would start most of her sentences with: “ Really, Alexa, that’s absolute nonsense!” She still is my friend. One has to love the people who point out one's faults!
Not only made me talk feel more connected with people, it often led to finding the rent-apartment or job I needed – because other people started working on my problems once they knew them. It was a form of early networking (just don’t think that twittering is the same as really talking to real people about real issues!).
This study of 79 participants found that people who talked about substantial issues that were on their minds, were happier and had more social contacts. Our happiness, turns out, is closely related to our social interactions. No man is an island. “Substantive conversations create a feeling of belonging that leads to happiness,” the study concludes. Read More
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